Rob Williams - Bless You My Child

Come see, let's travel, just you and me.

Let's go far and wide, on a journey that's free.

Imagine the door that you close as we leave.

And onto the street, the beginning - we're free.

 

So where will we go to, let's walk you and me.

Shall we sit on a bench, and imagine .... where to be?

There's one over there, let's sit by the tree.

We can draw up a plan or, go with the flow and just be.

 

The rest of our road, sometimes winding ...... or straight.

The choice can be ours - never on time, early ...... or late.

We can walk, we can jog, even get there by bus.

It don't really matter, as long as there's us.

 

C'mon, let's go, there's a hill up ahead.

You know when we've climbed it, we'll both feel half dead 😁

I will go first, you can come after.

You can cushion my stumbles with humour and laughter 😂

 

On the way down, we can change places.

We can both tumble, with smiles on our faces

We can laugh😁 ‘til we cry😢 and cry into laughter😂

Not a care in the world, in a moment's ever after.

 

At the bottom a beach, a forest or meadow.

Where we can just lay ... and look up feeling mellow.

The clouds they pass over, our heads, they're all scattered.

Some they look thick, whilst others look scattered.

 

When we sit up, it's a beach, on which we sit.

The sand it is golden, soft, and not grit.

Sun on the horizon, going down for the night.

It's golden glow hazy,  but still pretty bright

 

Close my eyes gently, my ears to the sea.

The ebb and flow licking the sand next to me.

My eyes when I open .... A forest so grand,

Large and expansive as it covers the land.

 

I think of the animals that live with the trees.

The deer and the venison to the birds and the bees.

The forest holds vastness and diverse life within.

Let's go and explore it - come on, let's begin.

 

Soon into a meadow, we gallop ..... or skip.

Oh what an adventure, a beautiful trip.

We can rest here some time, lay down or sit.

Hold hands for a while, physically connect for a bit.

 

I have missed you my child although you're within.

How do I love you, oh where to begin.

You're shy and reserved, your talents you hide.

Come out of the shadows and own them with pride.

 Bless you my child.

Anna H - An Ode to “Heroin”

The turmoil of life by a drug called “Heroin”
Boy! This one really hits you on the chin!
Smack, Scag, Brown and Gear,
it’s all the same so listen here,
A tiny amount of this certain ‘Brown Powder’,
causes a huge amount of destructive power!
Once you come across this drug,
it holds you like an eternal hug.
It will never let you go,
then the pain and misery begins to show.
Everything you have-you start to lose,
as this drug starts to unleash it’s abuse.
It doesn’t have a heart and it doesn’t have a brain,
but it plays with your life like it is a game!
From the first time you pick up you are in trouble,
life starts crashing down like bricks and rubble!
You start to lose your family and friends,
as you continue to go around the bend.
So you sit back and watch as life goes past,
It’s like a flash! It goes so fast!
From the moment you wake up until you go back to sleep,
this drug will surely keep you on your feet!
If at first you start to smoke it,
it won’t be long before you want to poke it!
When you start to feel the hit,
maybe at first you might feel sick,
but when the buzz starts to set in,
then the gouching out begins!
Then you struggle to find a vein,
and that can drive you totally insane!!
Now I’m covered in lumps and bruises,
how could I be so blind and stupid?
When you start to feel your first cluck,
and you think to yourself “What the Fuck”,
Your money’s all gone but you need your next hit,
the pain and sweats start and you feel sick.
Lies and crime then pave the way,
from the minute you wake til the end of the day!
When you can’t even afford to eat,
you start to realise you are beat,
and it really brings you to your feet!

Anna H
July 2007

Antonio Pancadas - Nothing is as hard as the beginning of things

Nothing is as hard as the beginning of something… a relationship, a book, a painting, a journey, its beginning and its end. That first step that forces the second and the third.

After the roll is established things kind of take care of themselves;

and this is nothing more than my opinion at this point in time, and I mention this point in time because things change with time.

Time changes things but at the same time, time only exists because there is change. If there was no change at all, time would not exist.

Confused?

Just imagine me…at this point I am just laughing, thinking about whoever is reading this and I am picturing that person thinking what in fact I am thinking at this moment:

“What the hell is he talking about?”

I came over to ANA due to a set of circumstances in my life that forced me to do something, and one of the options was rehab.

Ten years ago I went into a rehab in London and managed to get clean and stay clean for over a year but then… relapse happened. It took me another ten years of my life to get here again, to be clean and some would say that God only knows for how long this is going to last. Well, I would say that it will last for as long as I it want to, and that is the reality of it.

Nobody is forcing me to do anything and the same applies to all of us, the decision is always ours.

I know it is very easy for me to talk now; when the pain, diarrhoea, sleepless nights, head loop, frenzy, desperation, frustration, anger, hate, sweats, madness, physical and psychological disarray, etc., etc., are gone.

To be honest I don’t even want to think about it.

All I knew, was that I had a chain around my neck and I was a slave, and I desperately wanted to break free from those chains but couldn’t. For some reason, for some mad reason, I could not stop using and yet I could…but I couldn’t.

Some of you will know what I am talking about.

I had tried and failed before, so my life was lined up and that was it, I might as well accept it and get on with it…

For whatever reason I ended up trying again and I am over a year clean, back in college, doing voluntary work, living in my flat and happy as I can not remember being, and all because I gave it another chance.

Things happen, life moves on and things change. And there is Time…

Good luck to all of you…

Antonio Pancadas
October 2005

Lyn - End of the line or new beginning update

Lyn wrote this piece based on her experiences of having attended the ANA Family and Carers Group.

This is an update from when I first joined ANA in March 2004. I was so nervous; not knowing what help I could get. Was this just another door I was to knock on and get no answer? as I had done many times before.

I was at the point where I felt I could not live a life of turmoil caught up in my son’s Addiction to Drink and Drugs and found myself unable to help him. I had tried everything a mother could do to help her child for years but nothing worked for him or me. It was always the same merry go round we were on. It was a continual repetitive cycle of crisis after crisis he could not see he was slowly killing himself, and I just stood there watching all this torment he suffered, while my heart was breaking because I could not find an answer for him.

At nights I prayed for help, in a strange way I guess my prayers were answered as I saw the advert in the paper and followed it up on that day in March when I walked through the doors of ANA. If you read my first letter, it explained how both my son and I were helped. I was taught how Addiction worked and how destructive it can be for the whole family. I found this extremely useful. Soon I began to realise that no matter how hard I had tried in the past nothing could have worked because at the end of the day if you continue to do the same things in the same way nothing can possibly change.

I quickly learned if I made small changes to the way I reacted to my son’s crisis it had a knock on effect to my son. I took just small steps like making boundaries for me and my son, i.e. what I found acceptable behaviour from him and what my reaction would be if he broke those boundaries. I discussed all this with him and asked if he would like to set up his own boundaries, which he did and I accepted. This was just the start for us both.

Before, I had been powerless over his behaviour, but that did not mean I had to be pulled down the same road as him and feel the consequences of his actions. This was about him being responsible for his actions, not me being responsible, after all it was his life, to make his own choices and be responsible for his actions. ANA taught me all this and showed me that I HAVE A LIFE TOO.

I watched the change in my son and myself with the small changes we both made we have both grown and become better people. We are closer now than ever before. He has moved from being in prisons to sleeping on the streets, mental health issues, overdoses, and broken relationships to a calmer life.

He has a good relationship with his daughter. He sees her on a regular basis and also has just starting working again. He has accommodation and opened up a bank account. These are things that, in the past, were just dreams for me, but are now reality. He has found it hard dealing with the addiction but he takes each day as it comes and if he has a slip he picks himself up and starts again.

As for me, I can now sleep at night not worrying about phone calls day and night from police or hospitals. I love my son, that will never change, but it is a pleasure to go about my daily business not worrying what is going to happen next. I have a life now that my husband and I enjoy and at this time in our life we have earned it. I have now completed a Life Coaching Course. So you see I have reclaimed my life back and my son is living a more fulfilling life; one that is peaceful not soul destroying.

My family owe so much to ANA for guiding us in the right direction. Without the support of the counsellors we would still be sitting on that old-merry-go-round and nothing would have changed for us.

I just wanted to write and let people know that LIFE CAN CHANGE IF YOU ARE PREPARED TO MAKE LITTLE CHANGES.

A MESSAGE FOR ALL THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE WHO MAYBE IN THAT PAINFUL WORLD THAT YOUR LOVED ONE IS TRAPPED IN. BE BRAVE AND KNOCK ON THE DOORS OF ANA AND LET THEM HELP YOU THROUGH THE PROCESS. IT WORKED FOR ME.

Lyn
December 2005

David’s Poem

It was my brown it was my green
I am not here I can’t be seen
It was my line it was my meth
It was my life it was my death
It was my crack it was my line
I’ll be back just give me time
Oh no im starting to think
I need a fix I need a drink
I’ve got hope I’ve got dreams too
Please help me out what can I do
I know a place it will be ok
We can do it together
Please please stay
One day at a time “just for today”
Here is the number
It’s A .N. A

David
July 2009