Where did I go for all those years?
Causing the ones I love much pain and tears.
It was a lonely journey, my decent into hell.
It broke my mind and left my body a shell.
But in the midst of the madness and the delusion,
I ended up in a place called inclusion.
It was there I spoke freely about my depression
To a lady called Dee with trust and discretion.
As I slurred out my issues she listened in silence.
She understood about the drink, drugs and violence.
It was through this service that I would discover
A place called ANA where I could recover.
Gratefully funded it was time to leave.
It started in primary with a three month reprieve.
The people there cared but didn’t even know me though.
They were my counsellors Toni and Romeo.
I told my life story, emotionless, unthawed.
I was told my thinking was seriously flawed.
Introduced to the steps I initially resisted
But thanks to Toni I stayed and persisted.
I was taught some tools to help in my life
To keep me clean without trouble and strife.
I learnt that I had the disease of addiction,
A pretty shitty incurable affliction.
But if I followed a programme and got on with the steps,
Trusted the process I would see the effects.
I listened to the shares through H and I.
It gave me hope to give abstinence a try.
As I became more comfortable with a higher power,
things fell into place and I gained faith by the hour.
Finally I graduated and got funding for Secondary.
I met Alan and Vicky whose reputation was legendary.
The transition was foreign and made me delirious.
I knew from day one – here recovery was serious.
I was taken apart and slowly rebuilt
to no longer feel all the shame and guilt
They made me realise my addicts not me.
I can learn to ignore it. Without it I’m free.
My blocks to recovery began to crumble.
They gave me courage and made me humble.
Freed form the fear and crippling anxiety
I was given more tools to take on society.
I’m still keeping my guard up and not taking things lightly
because my addicts not far and still wants to fight me.
So I’ve joined a fellowship and found a sponsor and together we’ll continue to battle my monster.
My parents and children need no longer concern,
my addicts in remission while I make my return.
My future is bright and viewed optimistically.
I’m re-establishing myself but not egotistically.
This journeys been long, trying and testing
but with my new friends it’s been truly a blessing.
I’m eternally grateful I’ve now found my way,
but I’ll always remember it’s just for today!
A poem by Neil and his addict Bill.